Masada

In the latter part of March I traveled to Israel to attend a global conference for the firm that I work with today and after a night in Tel Aviv, a morning in Jaffa and a absolutely scary ride to the Dead Sea with my boss, we set up camp at a hotel positioned right on the Dead Sea. Although it is an extremely rugged environment, it is quite lovely in many ways and my eyes were constantly being distracted by the wild beauty of it all.

On the second afternoon we ventured to Masada, a site of "ancient palaces and fortifications in the South District of Israel on top of an isolated rock plateau, or large mesa, on the eastern edge of the Judean desert overlooking the Dead Sea. Masada became famous after the First Jewish-Roman War when a siege of the fortress by troops of the Roman Empire led to a mass suicide of the site's Jewish Sicarii fugitives when defeat became imminent." (Credit to Wikipedia).

So there we were, standing at the base of this big rock and everyone getting ready to walk up the snake path, which is the more complicated of the two routes to the top, and despite my advancing years I reckoned I give it a try once again. I had, after all, scaled the beast in early 2000 while working with another firm in Israel. How hard could it be to do it 8 years later? Well, the answer my friends is that it proved extraordinarily difficult and after huffing and puffing for nearly 45 minutes I finally allowed reason to take command and I retreated back down the path to the safety of the base camp. I was of course a bit embarrassed as I was the only one of those that attempted to reach the top to retreat. But I knew at a certain point that while I could have probably made it to the peak, I was seriously risking a heart attack if I did so. My rate rate was a steady 150 to 160 and I was as red as a beet. Like I said, common sense prevailed and I elected to opt for the healthier option.

So, how did I come to this point? After all, less than 8 months ago I was about as healthy a 57 year old as you could find on this God's green earth. I was hitting the gym at least 2 hours every day and getting in plenty of cardio and weight training. I was down to a relatively trim 197 lbs and I was even slipping back into 36" waist trousers, although they were admittedly a tight fit. Still, a far cry from the 38"/39" trousers that had been haunting me earlier in the year.

Now, I'm back to being tight in my 38" waist suits and I can't tie my shoes without losing my breath. Hmmmmm! Could it have something to do with the fact that I'm working 10 and 11 hours a day, 5 days a week and often a half day on Sunday? Could it be that I have this work/life balance completely haywire again? Could it be that I've sacrificed all the hard work that I did in late 2006 and through the first half of 2007 for the sake of a paycheck?

I had a long conversation the other day with a young lady that I used to work with in years past and we were comparing notes. You know. Careers, spouses, children, where we are today compared to where we wanted to be all those years ago. And I discovered that I really don't have a very strong grasp on what's important to me these days. Two great kids who get ignored by Dad in the evening because he is too tired to engage them. A wonderful wife who feels alone and distant from her husband through no fault of her own........and a Mom, who only lives 45 minutes away, but does not get to see her grandchildren nearly enough.

Okay, so I've come to this discovery (like it's the first time I've been here)and once again I've got to make some critical decisions about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I'm not certain what path I will follow, but I know that the path I'm on at the moment is not the right one and that things have to change. Perhaps it is as simple as getting the work/life perspective more balanced, or perhaps a more radical change is in order. I've always been passionate about any engagement I undertake and so I sort of understand why I've made such a commitment to my present situation. I want to succeed and I want to be recognized for being successful But at what risk........"What does it profit a man to inherit all the riches of the world if he loses sight of his soul?" (apologies for the literary license with the Lord's words, but you know what I mean)

Stay tuned folks as I traverse this journey that confronts me. I don't know where it will ultimately take me, but I know that I must take it if I'm to find the peace that seems to constantly eludes me.